Response "Black Like Me"

I'm disgusted by what I am reading, despite the fact that it was written in the 50's when segregation was still the norm. I can't believe the bullshit that was shoveled down my throat about how different blacks are from whites. I never believed it, cuz I saw that we all talked the same-that the rules were the same.

We were all at the bottom and I feel completely that showing each other kindness keeps you from screaming. That gluttony, sex  and sin keep you from going insane. In many ways I think my dad was just looking for someone beneath him so that he felt a little higher on the damn totem pole.
It is operative to mention that I am reading Black Like Me-a novel written by a white man who chose to turn himself black to experience life as a 'Negro man'.
The obscenity of the unabashed hatred made me want to v omit. Some of that hatred for anything to take away the hatred for ourselves made me crazy
I wish I could align all my thoughts and write this eloquently but for now I will simply say the things that struck me most.

One quote where he says that every black man is trying to live by the white man's rules and that those that are accepted by white men turn on one another. It makes the mind crazed.
How much I identify with the culture, way of speaking and feelings of Griffith as a black man. But then I am pulled towards not being allowed to feel that way because my skin is white and I cannot understand-even if I do feel like a lot of the feelings are part of my identity-they have been very silent parts. I keep them hidden.
How the black shoe shiners would not help the beggar and took pleasure in being above anything. Much like the powerless abused child that in turn abuses the dog. I feel thankful I never took to abusing things. I never wanted any power. I just wanted out. I wanted to have not been born, but that is a story for another time.
The kindness and kinship in times of hardship-the shower scene. Where one man lets another use his shower water cuz the faucet is broken. Such human beauty in the midst of terror.

How at the bbq place they laugh to keep from crying and are raucous cuz the only other option is to be destitute
i noticed how Griffith says that the black people stay sane by remembering that they can live with dignity and not to take ti personally. God what it must be not to have to take hatred personally. "They only hate my color".

This book is blowing me away. It may not be this way now-but hell who knows. I feel like there isn't anyone who would tell em the honest truth about how it is. Maybe I need to do a little more genuine asking.

More to come as I read.