Figure me out

In light of love
Stranded on the wings of a sopping dove
Hope tarnished by God above
No tidings of care can Winter bring


In neon screens.
Renders twisting amorous deeds
Inside pounding heart bleeds
The lost soul cries for nursing

In faint sightings
I  quandary you soul's invitings
The musings leave me reeling,insighting
I'll hear you tick-tocking away

The seconds they sing of 
the love of a drenched dove
In screams  alluring
Inciting feelings so beige

(Fairly complex rhyme scheme here so I had to figure it out. It goes a-a-a-b,c-c-c-d,e-e-e-f, a-b-c-d-e-f-

plea

Anywhere but here
please god just give me gears
I want to find a hole and die
and wipe the windshield of all these years
Just give me anyplace to land
I swear I'd make it grand
I won't tarnish heaven
Or play  debonair
I just can't hack the here
I hear the people calling
It feels like life is drawling
and suddenly there is nothing but falling
the cliff is such a dear

This life seems all but over
Please God just let me
go here

I can't bear the another reflected morning
in my tears.

Missing

If missing you were a contagion
It would spread like wildfire
It would eat flesh off  bones
and lay waste to humans, animals and crops
It would ride upon satellite to distant  universes
and flail against all things
beautiful
intelligent and
creative
It would find life and demolish it
The planets would weep for their loss

If missing you were an epidemic
It would watch from
the insanitorium
eyes dimmed with gloom and
puffed with tears
cues that it is trapped
but never gone.
It would cry out in solitude
as it found itself the last known survivor
to infect
Knowing that all life had been taken
with rapid misfortune

And if missing you were my plight
I think I would give in
and let it lock me tight
in it's death

When he called

It's a funny thing,
the way people talk
about letting go

Like plunging headfirst into a waterfall
The impact leaves you shocked,
breathless
But as the cold sets in
it feels you
were born there

It's funny to me, or peculiar,
rather, That people believe it ends
upon impact

It's the beginning!

When I jumped headlong
into corrosive, murky depths
I had been residing in a sewer
Any waterfall
looked like a pouring of great fortune.

I imbibed poison like NyQuil
It lulled the faint cry of lunacy
to sleep for a time.
I injected you into my veins

I surrendered to toxicity
even as waterways parted
and murky depths gave way
to beautific sunlit pools.

I fought so that I might suffocate in you.
As you fought to suffocate in anything.

Masquerading as buoys.
Funny, or peculiar, rather,
How cinder blocks can look just like rafts
when your mind,
constitution and nature become noxious.

(Written the night Nate called me while in L.A. Updated Nov. 30)

Free flow-seems to have word theme

Just so you know
in case you come to call
you can't have
just this or that
it's all or nothing a'all

Just so we're clear
you can't tell me to leave
if you truly want me near
To clarify, that's confusing
and your words numb my skull

So just so you know
I kissed you to sleep last night
and wondered when all that ice would strike you dead
the next time I open my mouth?
or my heart
or my... well just when will this thing freeze over?

I want you to hear me
I wish it was words that I speak with
I want you to know me
So I'll place my face against yours
in the pale light
hoping the inferno catches fire in your mind
as it has all but demolished my own



I am sewing us a small sachet
Sachet across the room to you
I'll press it against your heart
The brand will live there til a fail deed...
Instead
I've sewn my lips shut
after making the holes I watched the black thread sealed it.
Sighed with relief at all the words I shoulda, coulda
...can't...
say
I place the glue to my lips and feel it bind me
No more words...........
No more eating.............
or talking.........
meaningless explanations.
I lay down
hope it's all bonded by morning
Eventually they'll call, as they always do
I will go as I always will

but this time it'll take days to get me apart

days to 'talk' it through
When will they see I sew my flesh together to avoid this ritual
When will they see that I have nothing more to say
Not even goodbye

Crossroads
I find myself in an odd position
Looking around I am finding all these "X's"
on the treausure map
I have been seeking some sort of treasure but
I don't thtink I yet know
what that treasure is or means.
Like a list I have been x-ing out parts and parcels of self
and things I really wanted for myself
I have.
I wanted to love what I do
I wanted to be the Best in what I choose
not in comparison to anyone else-but to be the best me
I wanted to learn and to know
I wanted to find myself and take the hard ganders in teh mirror
I will, and I have.
It's one of those lifelong journeys I am confident I can navigate
I wanted a dog that I could love with the love I had for Soxy...
I have that.
I wanted a program that taught humanity and differences
I found that aas well
Finally, I wanted a job that I can do
that isn't treading water.
I am no Mesovelia mulsanti
I cannot stand to eb still
I also cannot stand to run in circles or waste time
I wanted to learn about my intuition
my clairvoyance
and, dammit, I have.
Seems like it may be time for new goals.
I have reached all the ones I really wanted for myself
The ones that absolutely had to happen for me.
I am not a counselor yet-but it will come.
The marriage thing-having a family
I think it will come as it should and it isn't a goal I can have
Only a hope for it.
I can't make it happen
Now what :P