The crazed roach and me:
(Setting: Home alone with computer and no Rambo to join me in my neuroticism either.)
Round 1: Roach impedes my ability to brush my teeth by being
in sink. Solution: I sprayed bug spray upon him until he disappeared into my
sink. I then sprayed bug spray into the holes of sink and...drainy hole (which I
do not understand.)
This was an altogether short lived success because the whole
ordeal did 2 things. It made me forget my purpose outside of winged insect
slaying and also made me paranoid of my bathroom and all known services to me.
For the 5 seconds I remembered, anyway.
Round 2: I sit down in my chair to calmly consider writing
stuff-like an important advocate and counselor person does; only to hear
ominous skittering noises from various locations in my room.
..................................................................................
Finally, I see a batshit crazy roach failing at crawling up
a wall (not near to me at all).
At this point, the roach enters my holy-shit-terrifying-zone,
wherein he is above my head and therefore armed with the ability to swoop down
and dive bomb me at any given moment. Because hey, sometimes roaches loose
their cool and run towards the large moving object and light. Yeah, I KNOW,
it's insanity!
I say Okay aloud a few times to come up with a plan. The
roach is climbing up all the walls. He has lost his mind after being chemically
doused and this is one kamikaze mission to retreat...or kill me. This roach is
unpredictable. Essentially, he was the equivalent of the last man standing with
no family or ways out. Times like these living beings do rash things. Like fall
from my ceiling onto my head or skitter far too close to my existence to be
comfortable. I get up to find a shoe or apparatus to apprehend this crazed
creature and discover another Roach about 3 inches from my shoe/weapon. ...........................................................
Round 3: I jump up out of my chair and stand in the clearest
part of the room scanning all things above eyesight for rogue creatures. None
found. I search out the spray-this has now become a gang mentality of lunacy
that I can neither predict nor comprehend.
I finally decide to go for Wall-fail roach first...cuz I can
see him....determinedly failing at climbing the wall and hitting the ground
with a ::thunk:: every few seconds. I get the spray and go after him first. However,
the roach has taken the high ground ABOVE MY FREAKING HEAD and is therefore
non-apprehendable 'til he is out of "fall on head" position. Him
falling from the wall had already put me on edge...(I never knew where he would
land). Anyways, He skitters above my food; confronted with an ethical dilemma
of sorts I weigh my options. But first I frantically tell him," Bro,
really? You gonna play like THAT?"
Do I apprehend this rogue creature who carries toxic
chemicals on his hairy little legs with more toxic spray over my dry food
supply or do I wait til he somehow falls thereby getting the food contaminated
due to his wall climbing failure?!?!
I was poised, standing on my dresser to gain some
leverage-and he moved away from the food. I went to strike and he was then on
the ground. I followed him doused his ass til movement ceased. It was brutal-I accepted my fate as a
murderer, then.
Round 4: Other roach is hiding in my dirty clothes pile on
the floor. Again, ethical dilemma: Add more toxic spray by doing a
covering over the possible hiding area
of the roach or let roach roam til he climbs up my leg to strike?
I covered the area and determined I would somehow remember
that these were not available to wear unless washed. The roach comes out
and...I, well...........I screamed. Then I noted he was desperately running
away-leaving himself in the open. I got the shoe and struck.
Now-Here I sit 2 criminals doused and apprehended; Afraid to
go into my bathroom in case there are somehow more in their lair (do palmetto
bugs have lairs?) and vigilantly listening to all surrounding noises for
thunks.
Oh, and it is like a toxic waste facility in here with spray
clotting my breathing passage ways.
Yep-I don't think I know who won this battle!
::Guys, should I add pics to this and make it legit???::
