Roaches

The crazed roach and me:

(Setting: Home alone with computer and no Rambo to join me in my neuroticism either.)

Round 1: Roach impedes my ability to brush my teeth by being in sink. Solution: I sprayed bug spray upon him until he disappeared into my sink. I then sprayed bug spray into the holes of sink and...drainy hole (which I do not understand.) 

This was an altogether short lived success because the whole ordeal did 2 things. It made me forget my purpose outside of winged insect slaying and also made me paranoid of my bathroom and all known services to me. For the 5 seconds I remembered, anyway.

Round 2: I sit down in my chair to calmly consider writing stuff-like an important advocate and counselor person does; only to hear ominous skittering noises from various locations in my room.

..................................................................................

Finally, I see a batshit crazy roach failing at crawling up a wall (not near to me at all).  

At this point, the roach enters my holy-shit-terrifying-zone, wherein he is above my head and therefore armed with the ability to swoop down and dive bomb me at any given moment. Because hey, sometimes roaches loose their cool and run towards the large moving object and light. Yeah, I KNOW, it's insanity!

I say Okay aloud a few times to come up with a plan. The roach is climbing up all the walls. He has lost his mind after being chemically doused and this is one kamikaze mission to retreat...or kill me. This roach is unpredictable. Essentially, he was the equivalent of the last man standing with no family or ways out. Times like these living beings do rash things. Like fall from my ceiling onto my head or skitter far too close to my existence to be comfortable. I get up to find a shoe or apparatus to apprehend this crazed creature and discover another Roach about 3 inches from my shoe/weapon. ...........................................................

Round 3: I jump up out of my chair and stand in the clearest part of the room scanning all things above eyesight for rogue creatures. None found. I search out the spray-this has now become a gang mentality of lunacy that I can neither predict nor comprehend.

I finally decide to go for Wall-fail roach first...cuz I can see him....determinedly failing at climbing the wall and hitting the ground with a ::thunk:: every few seconds. I get the spray and go after him first. However, the roach has taken the high ground ABOVE MY FREAKING HEAD and is therefore non-apprehendable 'til he is out of "fall on head" position. Him falling from the wall had already put me on edge...(I never knew where he would land). Anyways, He skitters above my food; confronted with an ethical dilemma of sorts I weigh my options. But first I frantically tell him," Bro, really? You gonna play like THAT?"

Do I apprehend this rogue creature who carries toxic chemicals on his hairy little legs with more toxic spray over my dry food supply or do I wait til he somehow falls thereby getting the food contaminated due to his wall climbing failure?!?!

I was poised, standing on my dresser to gain some leverage-and he moved away from the food. I went to strike and he was then on the ground. I followed him doused his ass til movement ceased.  It was brutal-I accepted my fate as a murderer, then. 

Round 4: Other roach is hiding in my dirty clothes pile on the floor. Again, ethical dilemma: Add more toxic spray by doing a covering  over the possible hiding area of the roach or let roach roam til he climbs up my leg to strike?

I covered the area and determined I would somehow remember that these were not available to wear unless washed. The roach comes out and...I, well...........I screamed. Then I noted he was desperately running away-leaving himself in the open. I got the shoe and struck.

Now-Here I sit 2 criminals doused and apprehended; Afraid to go into my bathroom in case there are somehow more in their lair (do palmetto bugs have lairs?) and vigilantly listening to all surrounding noises for thunks.

Oh, and it is like a toxic waste facility in here with spray clotting my breathing passage ways.

Yep-I don't think I know who won this battle!

::Guys, should I add pics to this and make it legit???::