Type 8 enneagram

The challenger
It is true
I have power. I am power
It springs forth in my gait
in my spirit gnawing for a chance to break free
However I only feel like the power is working
if it is working to free and make powerful
the life of those who may not
harness their own inert strength

It is also true
that I was once a sociopath destruction unit
I do not mean this in a cute
"I was depressed and angry in adolescence". I mean this in a
I had plans to murder, sense.
I harnessed others' self hatred as fuel to make
them slaves to their own fear
I unleashed the part of the power that
makes villains in novels
I had a sad story that helped me make that character,
but I was still her.

Some days she still catches me off guard and springs up again

Now half my heart is spent on reigning in a terror

So the leadership
the go getting
I pay with half my guile
You only see half of me

Some think this half is pretty tough
I have looked into mirrors and saw a bereft shell
awaiting the next betrayal to rage against
I have seen true evil
and it wasn't in a cartoon, or in the ones who stripped me
of the beautiful parts I could have been
It was in mirrors when I happened to catch a sideways stare without my mask on

We all think we are crazy, monstrous even
We all are, to some degree
My monstrosity is my iron will
It looks nice when I wear it as a suit to dinner parties
with those who like to hear stories of valor, honor and the disadvantages youth who rose up. I rose up on the wings of hatred and sheer inability to accpet anything but my will-and others who saw a spark and nourished it. Sometimes at their own expense.
but terrible when I use it as a blade in the same breath.


I say this to worn those of you who wish to be Alpha
Who wish to make the rules
I will always push against the world.

The world will always push back.
The struggle will continue until I decide I have pushed long enough to be safe.